facilitating personal growth
COACH'S TIPS
What Words Reveal
by Carol A. Henry
JUDGMENTAL:
Words like should, ought to, must, right/wrong reflect a person who is judgmental and/or afraid of being judged.
AGGRESSIVE:
Phrases like we'll kill 'em or I'll hit several places reflect an aggressive, competitive approach to life.
SELF-CONFIDENT:
Words like will, can, build, create indicate an autonomous personality, a "doer." Self-confident people say,"I sold 18 units" rather than "18 units were sold"; or "I'm really proud" instead of "things are going well."
HELPLESS:
People who feel powerless pepper their conversation with words like can't, try and maybe. They say, "have to" instead of "choose to", "I wish I could" instead of "I will" and "it happened" instead of "I did. "
INSECURE:
People who are anxious to please others use words like sort of, perhaps and I guess. They often end sentences with "tag questions" designed to elicit agreement, such as...."Isn't it? Don't you think?" or "You know what mean?" Their conversation is punctuated with "um's", "er's", "ah's", and awkward pauses.
ENTHUSIASTIC:
People who are excited or enthusiastic use emphatic, exclamatory words, such as really, terrific, and wonderful, and affirmative words and phrases: for sure, certainly, great!
by Carol A. Henry
JUDGMENTAL:
Words like should, ought to, must, right/wrong reflect a person who is judgmental and/or afraid of being judged.
AGGRESSIVE:
Phrases like we'll kill 'em or I'll hit several places reflect an aggressive, competitive approach to life.
SELF-CONFIDENT:
Words like will, can, build, create indicate an autonomous personality, a "doer." Self-confident people say,"I sold 18 units" rather than "18 units were sold"; or "I'm really proud" instead of "things are going well."
HELPLESS:
People who feel powerless pepper their conversation with words like can't, try and maybe. They say, "have to" instead of "choose to", "I wish I could" instead of "I will" and "it happened" instead of "I did. "
INSECURE:
People who are anxious to please others use words like sort of, perhaps and I guess. They often end sentences with "tag questions" designed to elicit agreement, such as...."Isn't it? Don't you think?" or "You know what mean?" Their conversation is punctuated with "um's", "er's", "ah's", and awkward pauses.
ENTHUSIASTIC:
People who are excited or enthusiastic use emphatic, exclamatory words, such as really, terrific, and wonderful, and affirmative words and phrases: for sure, certainly, great!
Carol A. Henry • 3401 Bristol Road • Fort Worth TX • 76107
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© Carol A. Henry 2011 Some rights reserved
Carol A. Henry owns all the rights to this material. This document and any part of it may not be republished, repackaged, and/or distributed in any way or for any purposes without express and prior written consent from Carol A. Henry or her legal representation.
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Carol A. Henry, LPC, LMFT
Carol serves clients in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She has facilitated training workshops for businesses, consciousness groups, as well as area recovery and church groups. Her counseling services include web-enabled video counseling. More information: www.carolahenry.com
Silence Speaks
Silence can be an effective negotiating tool. In business dealings, the real decision-maker is often the prson who says the least. People in power may use silence to intimidate, to purposely withhold information to maitain the upper hand, or to gain control of the negotiation.
In both business and personal relationships, however, silence can be easily misunderstood. It may be perceived as a sign of agreement when that is not the case. Even worse, one partner may assume there is no need for verbal expression, while the other perceives it as an indication of emotional withdrawal.
Because silence is part of an overall communication style, it's wise to learn just what it means to each individual by asking, "what are you thinking?" during lengthy silences.
In both business and personal relationships, however, silence can be easily misunderstood. It may be perceived as a sign of agreement when that is not the case. Even worse, one partner may assume there is no need for verbal expression, while the other perceives it as an indication of emotional withdrawal.
Because silence is part of an overall communication style, it's wise to learn just what it means to each individual by asking, "what are you thinking?" during lengthy silences.