facilitating personal growth
COACH'S TIPS
Creating Closeness:
8 Areas for Improving Intimacy Skills
by Carol A. Henry
"We're all so curiously alone. But it's important to keep on making signals through the glass." ~ John Updike
The following are eight areas where we may improve our ability to build and cultivate intimate relationships.
8 Areas for Improving Intimacy Skills
by Carol A. Henry
"We're all so curiously alone. But it's important to keep on making signals through the glass." ~ John Updike
The following are eight areas where we may improve our ability to build and cultivate intimate relationships.
Carol A. Henry • 3401 Bristol Road • Fort Worth TX • 76107
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© Carol A. Henry 2010 - 2012 Some rights reserved.
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Carol A. Henry, LPC, LMFT
Carol serves clients in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She has facilitated training workshops for businesses, consciousness groups, as well as area recovery and church groups. Her counseling services include web-enabled video counseling. More information: www.carolahenry.com
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Carol A. Henry
Practice
Intimacy is a skill. Our desire to love and be loved may be innate, but the ability to create closeness is a learned skill that must be practiced to keep it from becoming rusty.
Speak Up
Ask clearly and tactfully for what you want. Don't expect others to read your mind and know what you want without asking for it. And don't try to read their mind by assuming that others can't or won't give you what you want.
Express Yourself
Express feelings, both positive and negative. Shared feelings create the emotional climate of a relationship. The greater the variety of feelings you're able to express in a relationship, the richer it will be. Your counselor can help you recognize and overcome barriers to expressing a full range of feelings.
Resolve Conflicts
When probelms occur, look for a solution that satisfies both parties. Remember that conflicts about wants and needs are easier to resolve than conflicts about values, which may require a therapist's intervention.
Identify Barriers
Acknowledge your stumbling blocks in intimate relationships and enlist your partner's aid in overcoming them. When your arguments are repetitive or your disagreements remain unresolved, you have a barrier to intimacy. It's easier to overcome such rough spots with cooperative efforts than by trying to do it alone.
Cultivate Friendships
Too often, we think of intimacy only in the context of romantic relationships. Friendships are a rich source of non-sexual intimacy and provide a balance for the more intense intimacy of mate relationships.
Be Sensitive
Work at being sensitive to your partner's needs, feelings and barriers to intimacy. When you believe another person really cares about you, you're more willing to be open, to express feelings, and to take emotional risks. Sensitivity creates empathy and strengthens intimacy.
Overcome the Past
Leave the past behind when you begin a new intimate relationship, or a better phase of an old one. When we are preoccupied with memories of being hurt by our previous partners, we usually re-create the very pain that we seek to avoid. Therapy helps put the memories to rest and overcome fears of being hurt again.
Intimacy is a skill. Our desire to love and be loved may be innate, but the ability to create closeness is a learned skill that must be practiced to keep it from becoming rusty.
Speak Up
Ask clearly and tactfully for what you want. Don't expect others to read your mind and know what you want without asking for it. And don't try to read their mind by assuming that others can't or won't give you what you want.
Express Yourself
Express feelings, both positive and negative. Shared feelings create the emotional climate of a relationship. The greater the variety of feelings you're able to express in a relationship, the richer it will be. Your counselor can help you recognize and overcome barriers to expressing a full range of feelings.
Resolve Conflicts
When probelms occur, look for a solution that satisfies both parties. Remember that conflicts about wants and needs are easier to resolve than conflicts about values, which may require a therapist's intervention.
Identify Barriers
Acknowledge your stumbling blocks in intimate relationships and enlist your partner's aid in overcoming them. When your arguments are repetitive or your disagreements remain unresolved, you have a barrier to intimacy. It's easier to overcome such rough spots with cooperative efforts than by trying to do it alone.
Cultivate Friendships
Too often, we think of intimacy only in the context of romantic relationships. Friendships are a rich source of non-sexual intimacy and provide a balance for the more intense intimacy of mate relationships.
Be Sensitive
Work at being sensitive to your partner's needs, feelings and barriers to intimacy. When you believe another person really cares about you, you're more willing to be open, to express feelings, and to take emotional risks. Sensitivity creates empathy and strengthens intimacy.
Overcome the Past
Leave the past behind when you begin a new intimate relationship, or a better phase of an old one. When we are preoccupied with memories of being hurt by our previous partners, we usually re-create the very pain that we seek to avoid. Therapy helps put the memories to rest and overcome fears of being hurt again.