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COACH'S TIPS
Life Patterns:
Patterns of Success
by Carol A. Henry
How you define success is a function of your programming. From our parents, we absorb attitudes and beliefs about what constitutes a "successful person" and about how much success it's possible to have.
Some people define success in terms of income level and career achievement; others in terms of personal relationships.
Some of us attribute success to luck, others to hard work or superior ability. Which definition fits you (or your parents!)?
Bottom-liners measure success in dollars and cents. They are their salary or job title.
Power brokers define success in terms of influence over others. The more power they have to control and manipulate others, the more successful they feel.
Pioneers measure success by innovation. They want to distinguish themselves by making notable contributions to their field; financial rewards are secondary for them.
Nice guys correlate success with being well-respected and liked by others and may even put aside personal advancement to help other people succeed.
Some people think success is unattainable for them. No matter how hard they try, success always seems to elude them.
Sometimes, they're afraid of hurting a parent's feelings by exceeding what Dad or Mom accomplished. In other cases (those with a Try Hard theme), they simply quit working when they get too close to "making it." Counseling can help them overcome this barrier to success.
Patterns of Success
by Carol A. Henry
How you define success is a function of your programming. From our parents, we absorb attitudes and beliefs about what constitutes a "successful person" and about how much success it's possible to have.
Some people define success in terms of income level and career achievement; others in terms of personal relationships.
Some of us attribute success to luck, others to hard work or superior ability. Which definition fits you (or your parents!)?
Bottom-liners measure success in dollars and cents. They are their salary or job title.
Power brokers define success in terms of influence over others. The more power they have to control and manipulate others, the more successful they feel.
Pioneers measure success by innovation. They want to distinguish themselves by making notable contributions to their field; financial rewards are secondary for them.
Nice guys correlate success with being well-respected and liked by others and may even put aside personal advancement to help other people succeed.
Some people think success is unattainable for them. No matter how hard they try, success always seems to elude them.
Sometimes, they're afraid of hurting a parent's feelings by exceeding what Dad or Mom accomplished. In other cases (those with a Try Hard theme), they simply quit working when they get too close to "making it." Counseling can help them overcome this barrier to success.
Carol A. Henry • 3401 Bristol Road • Fort Worth TX • 76107
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© Carol A. Henry 2011 - Some rights reserved
Carol A. Henry owns all the rights to this material. This document and any part of it may not be republished, repackaged, and/or distributed in any way or for any purposes without express and prior written consent from Carol A. Henry or her legal representation.
You may, with the following credit, distribute this 100% unchanged article to your blog, website, or forum, or email list, providing you do not charge anything for this free information:
Carol A. Henry, LPC, LMFT
Carol serves clients in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She has facilitated training workshops for businesses, consciousness groups, as well as area recovery and church groups. Her counseling services include web-enabled video counseling. More information: www.carolahenry.com
Life Themes
As children seek the love they need, they often condense verbal and non-verbal parental messages into a single commandthat then becomes the central theme of their adult lives. The five most comon themes are:
Hurry Up. Often in a hurry to grow up and get out of a bad home situation, as adults these people rush through one task after another as though their life depended on it.
Try Hard (but Don't Make It). This theme is created by parents who reward effort, not results. Their children conclude that they'll be loved for trying, not for doing. They say, "I'll try" because they're not alowed to say, "I don't want to."
Be Perfect. People with this life theme believe they must be perfect to be loved. They don't realize that, not only is perfection impossible for fallible human beings, but their parents are so chronically unhappy that nothing will please them.
Be Strong. When parents are overwhelmed by life, children often try to help by being undemanding. As adults, they continue to be strong, unable to ask for support or assistance from others.
Please Me. The message here is that if you please other people by being helpful and accommodating, you'll be loved. Life becomes based on others' opinions and judgments of you rather than an internal value system.
Hurry Up. Often in a hurry to grow up and get out of a bad home situation, as adults these people rush through one task after another as though their life depended on it.
Try Hard (but Don't Make It). This theme is created by parents who reward effort, not results. Their children conclude that they'll be loved for trying, not for doing. They say, "I'll try" because they're not alowed to say, "I don't want to."
Be Perfect. People with this life theme believe they must be perfect to be loved. They don't realize that, not only is perfection impossible for fallible human beings, but their parents are so chronically unhappy that nothing will please them.
Be Strong. When parents are overwhelmed by life, children often try to help by being undemanding. As adults, they continue to be strong, unable to ask for support or assistance from others.
Please Me. The message here is that if you please other people by being helpful and accommodating, you'll be loved. Life becomes based on others' opinions and judgments of you rather than an internal value system.