facilitating personal growth
COACH'S TIPS
Life Patterns:
Program Messages
by Carol A. Henry
As children struggle to learn about life, they watch their parents closely for clues about what to be, what to do, and what not to do.
Some of these cues are given directly through words or physical actions, but non-verbal cues are equally important. Facial expressions, voice intonation and body posture are all translated by children into statements about what parents like or don't like about them.
Some of these common messages may see familiar to you:
Don't Be Yourself comes from parents who have preconceived ideas about how their child should be and work hard to make him or her fit the mold.
Don't Think comes from families who have secrets that they don't want exposed.
Don't Make It is a message given by parents who are competitive with their children and who need to feel superior to be OK.
Don't Be a Child is the conclusion when self-centered parents are annoyed by the normal demands of small children. When children are a burden to parents, they know it and may try to grow up too quickly to gain approval.
Don't Grow Up stems from parents who need to be needed or whose identity is as a parent.
Don't Be Close/Don't Trust is taught by parents who are inconsistent in their treatment of their children, affectionate one moment and harsh the next.
Don't Be. Sometimes parents wish a child had never been born. This is often translated into a message not to exist that comes out as suicidal thoughts.
Program Messages
by Carol A. Henry
As children struggle to learn about life, they watch their parents closely for clues about what to be, what to do, and what not to do.
Some of these cues are given directly through words or physical actions, but non-verbal cues are equally important. Facial expressions, voice intonation and body posture are all translated by children into statements about what parents like or don't like about them.
Some of these common messages may see familiar to you:
Don't Be Yourself comes from parents who have preconceived ideas about how their child should be and work hard to make him or her fit the mold.
Don't Think comes from families who have secrets that they don't want exposed.
Don't Make It is a message given by parents who are competitive with their children and who need to feel superior to be OK.
Don't Be a Child is the conclusion when self-centered parents are annoyed by the normal demands of small children. When children are a burden to parents, they know it and may try to grow up too quickly to gain approval.
Don't Grow Up stems from parents who need to be needed or whose identity is as a parent.
Don't Be Close/Don't Trust is taught by parents who are inconsistent in their treatment of their children, affectionate one moment and harsh the next.
Don't Be. Sometimes parents wish a child had never been born. This is often translated into a message not to exist that comes out as suicidal thoughts.
Carol A. Henry • 3401 Bristol Road • Fort Worth TX • 76107
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© Carol A. Henry 2011 - Some rights reserved
Carol A. Henry owns all the rights to this material. This document and any part of it may not be republished, repackaged, and/or distributed in any way or for any purposes without express and prior written consent from Carol A. Henry or her legal representation.
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Carol A. Henry, LPC, LMFT
Carol serves clients in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She has facilitated training workshops for businesses, consciousness groups, as well as area recovery and church groups. Her counseling services include web-enabled video counseling. More information: www.carolahenry.com
