facilitating personal growth
COACH'S TIPS
Emotional Self-Defense
by Carol A. Henry
by Carol A. Henry
Carol A. Henry • 3401 Bristol Road • Fort Worth TX • 76107
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© Carol A. Henry 2010 - Some rights reserved
Carol A. Henry owns all the rights to this material. This document and any part of it may not be republished, repackaged, and/or distributed in any way or for any purposes without express and prior written consent from Carol A. Henry or her legal representation.
You may, with the following credit, distribute this 100% unchanged article to your blog, website, or forum, or email list, providing you do not charge anything for this free information:
Carol A. Henry, LPC, LMFT
Carol serves clients in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She has facilitated training workshops for businesses, consciousness groups, as well as area recovery and church groups. Her counseling services include web-enabled video counseling. More information: www.carolahenry.com
Carol A. Henry owns all the rights to this material. This document and any part of it may not be republished, repackaged, and/or distributed in any way or for any purposes without express and prior written consent from Carol A. Henry or her legal representation.
You may, with the following credit, distribute this 100% unchanged article to your blog, website, or forum, or email list, providing you do not charge anything for this free information:
Carol A. Henry, LPC, LMFT
Carol serves clients in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, where she works with individuals, couples, and families. She has facilitated training workshops for businesses, consciousness groups, as well as area recovery and church groups. Her counseling services include web-enabled video counseling. More information: www.carolahenry.com
| Guidelines | |
| No one is immune to the manipulation of toxic personalities, but you can learn to reduce your vulnerability to these wolves-in-sheep's clothing. | |
Know the signs |
The charm and verve of the typical toxic personality diverts attention from his or her real goal of self-gratification. Look beneath the mask for plts and ploys by asking yourself if what someone is proposing is good for you. If it isn't, ask why someone who cares about you would ask you to do something that would hurt you. |
Be skeptical |
Enter new relationships of any kind with open eyes. Listen to your intuition when it tells you that things are not quite right, and don't hesitate to ask questions that may seem rude or untrusting. It could save you from deepening a relationship that could leave you emotionally, physically, or even financially devastated. |
Risk selectively |
Toxic personalities use others' needs or desires to give themselves the upper hand. When you want something enough to take emotional or financial risks, you are more vulnerable to being conned by toxic personalities. They may seem to offer what you want most, but are more likely to be obliging you to get what they want. |
Set limits |
Demand to be treated fairly, honestly, and respectfully. Make it clear that you will not tolerate dishonesty, manipulation, and inconsiderate behavior, and, most importantly, don't. Toxic personalities are adept at sensing weakness, and will relentlessly test your resolve. Backing down from your demands will only feed a toxic's desire for power and control. Once you set and consistently enforce limits, toxic people will reduce their attempts to manipulate you. |
Understand who's being hurt |
Don't blame yourself for the behavior of a toxic personality. Toxics will always try to shift blame and/or responsibility to anyone who's willing to accept it. Don't take it! |
Get help |
Never think that you can change a toxic personality. You can only change your response to them. Because they aren't hurt by their behavior, toxic personalities are highly unlikely to seek or accept counseling. If you are or have been involved with a toxic personality, you may need to seek professional help to repair your damaged self-esteem and betrayed trust. |